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Chapter 5: Roundhouse Kick Of Thoughts (Part 1)

Warning: This post is gonna be weird, and it will take you to various places of uncomfortable ideas, diverse states of vulnerability and shameless self-ranting. I advice you not to read any further because I’m positive that you’re just gonna waste your precious time. Go read a book or give your momma a favor, just don’t continue any further. Regrets in 3, 2 1…

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Chapter 4: Googolplexed Stress

I’ve run out of words to say because I’m literally exhausted from everything that’s been happening with my life and it just feels like I’m a deep, floating void circumvented by all these external factors, preying as they find an opportunity to inject their sharp blades against the hollow holes of my barren, virtual sanity. I’m indisputably on the brink of abdication but how can you dare if you’re precisely a month away from escaping all these sick, stomach-churning events? (possibly hyperbolic but we’re talking about school so)

Four weeks left, boss. You better tighten your grip because this is definitely going to get rowdy. And sweaty. Possibly bloody. But shit, four weeks is really not that long. Wow. It’s almost over.

A Gem On The Rubble: July 21, 2012

Waiting For My Sun To Shine

As I sprawled across the floor of my oak-scented bedroom with nothing but blue chinos to shield my fragile, cold body against the gnashing cold of the night, I stared aimlessly at the wretched and dusty glasses of the ceiling window, counting the ever-glowing stars as each radiate their light on this abode of darkness. I kept thinking of the old, jolly times; the old photographs and the joy they bring me as I paint a curve on my lips; those green, sturdy trees in the bright meadows of south; the scent of petrichor and the scent of new books looking dapper on their respective shelves. The influx of my thoughts had brought me in euphoria where I allowed myself to get lost in my self-conjured trance. I am home, I whispered to myself. I am homesick for a place I’ve never been to. Click, then I snapped out of my delusional phase, and I’ve noticed the bright rays of the sun beaming its way down my bedroom as it pours its phosphorescent glow throughout the room. I stood up, grabbed myself to the nearest window trying to remember the things that I’ve done and the things I should do. And it wasn’t that long till I realized that I was subconsciously waiting for my sun to shine.

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Chapter 3: Over

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Well, fuck. I have been on different levels and intensities of paranoia, anxiety and frustrations over the past few weeks, roughly because I have been thoroughly haunted over the idea of what the future holds plus what the present have been pressuring me to do. Truth is, if I could run away right now, I would. But it’s never that easy. Plus, running away is never the solution. It’s about facing the reality and spearheading the battle between you and the monsters in your closet.

I would like to talk about school but plummeting the idea for one more time will just cause another tower of terror in my head and I will seriously end up on an asylum if I don’t stop thinking about it. If there’s one certain thing, it’s this: I will treat this whole “school” thing like a social pariah until it decides to disappear. Until then, I’m gonna have to be ignorant and callous then I hope to live with whatever I decide to do without any form of consent or entanglement whatsoever. I’m so over & done with the negativity spiraling my senses and I just want to become the person I want to be minus the feeling of unnecessary responsibilities.

Things get better, they say. We’ll see.

Chapter 2: Null and Bone-Tired

School is as hard as ever as the amount of our days as a college student dwindles over time. If there’s one thing this week gave me, it’s nothing but exasperation, exhaustion & desperation. A lot of negativity has been going all around everybody at school (so may fucking unnecessary requirements to be consummated), not to mention the year’s just started, sometimes getting a grip on reality can be a real struggle so it’s just a necessity to go latch on some therapeutic pursuits like I did today.

Over the weekend, I tried to finish all the notebooks that some of our professors required us to work on in compliance to their subjects but as of this Sunday evening, I’m still far ahead the finish line but I believe I can finish all of this load next week if my calculations are correct plus given the right amount of diligence and persistence. But anyways, let’s just leave this matters behind because more importantly…

I finally got my hands (although the photo only shows one of ‘em) on this piece called “Love and Other Perishable Items” by Laura Buzo. I decided to go on a quest to find a copy today after all the boring and time-consuming, pointless scribbling I did the whole entire day. At least I can still say that it is worth all the time and money I disbursed from my savings (actually I don’t have any “real” savings lol it’s just extra money).

I still have some adventures to tell but I’m running low on energy. Just to sum it up, I failed to channel the inner frugal in me and in the end all I have is a burn hole in my pocket. I literally have to step up my game in terms of being parsimonious or I’m gonna ruin all my future plans.

Fin.

Chapter 1: Mandatory New Year Post 2K14

So, it’s that time of the year again. That rightful time where people around the globe fuel their fire up as they face a brand new year with a rekindled flame of hope. The time where people fill up their bucket lists with all sorts of adventures and goals to perceive and achieve. The time where everyone is cloaked with optimistic aura and a driving force to change for the good’s sake.

I know that most of us have this great tendency to lose our focus halfway down the road, therefore losing our mantra and subsequently, failure. But why is it though? For the past few years, I’ve been trying so hard to change some of my bad habits, most especially, my laziness. It’s been my number one problem, and also the one that got me the most trouble. I always have this long list of goals every year and every single time, I fail halfway. Sometimes not even halfway, like a few days then I’m out, back on the rotten routine.

So before I started year 2014, I tried figuring out what was wrong with me, what I’ve been doing wrong and such. Then finally, it struck me:

(something was written here before but I decided to dislodge the paragraph)

So for this year, let me try something new. I want to take things slow but at the same time I want to accomplish something real this time. I though of the root of my problems, and surprisingly (though I ought not to be surprised) I came up with a resolution within a few seconds:

(something was written here before but I decided to dislodge the paragraph)

Anyways, the only pretty reason why I wrote this long-ass blog post is I just want this to serve as a constant reminder to myself whenever I go online, that there are tasks to be accomplished and there are goals to be achieved.

I still have so many things to say and so many thoughts to be splurged out. But it’s a Sunday night, the last few moments of this unforgettable Christmas break. Will probably spill the details on that later on but this burden called school has to be set on priority for now. Although it aches and pains my heart to go to school tomorrow, it has to be done. This will be over soon, because if my calculations are precise, I’ll fucking graduate next year. And leaving that place for good will really, really make my life.

Guess this is it for now.